tired.

my eyes see but my mind halts.
my body moves but my heart waits.
my head spins but my soul lingers.



An experienced eye is never mistaken. It can at once decipher in those set or dejected faces, in those eyes, dull and hollow or still shining with the last sparks of struggle, in those deep and numerous wrinkles, in that slow or dislocated gait, the innumerable stories of love deceived, of devotion unrecognized, of effort unrecompensed, of hunger and cold silently endured.
(WIDOWS, Paris Spleen, Charles Baudelaire)

lovedrug and notes.

Would you believe me if i told you that i'm surfacing for just one thieving moment to steal your heart? thieving.


'The new humanity is about seeing people as God sees them.' p.25
All we see is a sigh, a smile, a glare, a hesitation, maybe on our best days a deep tormenting pain that resides right behind the lens of their eyes. We see all the differences in the foreground, and the similarities lurk behind a mountain range. 'How you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the Creator.' p.28


'You are only as sick as your secrets.' p.44
I would venture to assume that we all would pass hospitalization and be sent straight to the morgue.


'Consider that there's more to life than the next fix . . . And so many live with a low-grade despair, thinking that they're helpless, that this is simply how it is.' p.53 'Our actions aren't isolated. How we act determines the kind of world we're creating.' p.64 This is your breath of life. You only get one. Why not be alive?


(pages are references to Rob Bell)


remember I told you in life and death
we'd bury our secrets when they tear us apart
but love means going this far
even when the ending is the start


if you dive into the ocean then I
will be the wave around you tonight
and if you're sinking then oh it's alright
cause I will be the ghost who is at your side


remember your demons will surface and fight
but I will be a good phantom
and keep on romancing this cold little devil's tribe
and hold them away
while you are escaping into the light


so tell me where you've gone by now
I'm getting no reception on my heart radio
now meet me where the angels collide
and I will be the ghost who is at your side


now I'm changing, I am changing
now I'm changing for you, now


when you dive into the ocean alive
oh I will be the ghost at your side
and if you fall into the devil's tribe
oh I will be the ghost at your side
and when anywhere the angels collide
oh I will be the ghost at your side now dive into the blinding light…. ghost by your side

bean.

i love my bean. she is so wonderful.